Learning not to feel guilty
Last weekend I had to deal with a rather heavy attack of feeling guilty. My two week long holidays were coming to an end, and I felt guilty because I thought that I had not used the free time as productively, efficiently, what ever you may call it, as I should have done.
Of course I had put up several to-do-lists: write blog posts, create squidoo pages, take photos, process photos, create zazzle products, help friends with their website, meet friends, clean flat, make long walks, have appointments with dentist, try out new pastels, take photos of drawings with new pastels. In short: I treated those days as empty containers in which I had to squeeze as many things as possible.
And now, after those 2 weeks, I had to realize that I had not managed to do that. There were still many items on my list. And I felt GUILTY, lazy, unproductive, miserable, although my inner cheeky me (a very tiny one at the beginning) was telling me that I had had HOLIDAYS. “Do you know what holidays are for, you silly woman”, he said, “holidays are for regeneration, not for getting things off your to-do-lists”. “And, by the way,” he added, “you were pretty creative, weren’t you?” He’d actually grown at least 10 centimeters while he had been talking to me. My inner guilty me had shrunk and was looking rather daft. “Think of what you’ve managed to do in that time and not of these things still on your lists.” My inner cheeky me waved his hand and disappeared, and obviously my inner guilty me had left, too, because I felt much, much better. I was able to begin my work week rather energized and willing to meet new challenges.